Battle of Surrey Street was a period of conflicts, spanning two days, that happened between the Lower and Upper Surrey Street.

The Battle

Prelude

There were already hostilities between the Lower Surrey Street and Upper Surrey Street kids. Not to mention the fact that the Safety Patrol and Lower Surrey Street kids were constantly harassing each other. Even Greg's old bully came from Lower Surrey Street.

Greg Heffley and Rowley Jefferson built an igloo, but it had no door, so Greg burst out to grab a gulp of air. It was an easy target and many kids started to throw snowballs at him. He ran to his mother, Susan Heffley, and he asked her to shout at them. She said no, as it was a conflict he needed to resolve. Frank Heffley took on a different take and said he needs to create a clan as they just declared war.

After studying medieval tactics for an entire night, Greg bought 24 snowballs and 1 snowball launcher from Mitchell Pickett, who had a thriving ready-made snowball business.

Clan battles

Mitchell Picket's store 2.jpg

Coming back to the empty lot, on which the igloo was located, he saw many other clans, which took his idea as inspiration. Some had cool flags while others had really bad ones. Some even copied his flag.

Greg found one which was empty which was on a tall snow mound, from which he would have the high ground. But when he claimed it for himself, it actually had someone in it: Baby Gibson. Together they fought-off other attackers. However, the Pre-School Group took over after they tunneled through the base, and the Marlee Sisters attacked Greg and Rowley shortly after. Greg, Rowley, and Gibson had to flee onto the battlefield. It was then total anarchy.

Everyone stopped, however, when an Upper Surrey Street Kid, Joe O'Rourke, was hit in the face by an ice-ball which knocked out a few of his front teeth. A clan meeting was held to decide on banned items, like yellow-snow and ice-balls. Also on banned behavior like putting ice on someone's hat and then making them wear it.

But behind their backs, the Lower Surrey Street Kids started using the Upper Surrey Street Territory as a sledding hill. The Upper Surrey Street Kids were furious. The Upper kids united to form a single clan and prepared to fight the Lower Surrey Street kids.

Battle against the Lower Surrey Street Kids

The Upper Surrey Street kids build a wall to stop the Lower Street Kids from using their hill as a sledding hill.

They had the decision to build a wall, to keep out the Lower Surrey Street kids. It was a double-wall to make sure it was strong and sturdy, and it had icicles that protruded out of the front. There were also snowmen, made by the homeschooled kids, that made it seem there were more kids than there actually was.

The Lower kids returned and were confused and in shock at what they saw. The Lower kids attempted to breach it once but were repelled by the Upper kids, who held a defensive position, firing snowballs at will. The Lower kids retreated and returned 10 minutes later with mismatched sports gear.

The Upper kids released a volley of snowballs, which had little effect on the armored Lower kids, which were in a defensive position, with their shields held high. The Lower Surrey Street Kids retaliated with Sloppy Specials, which meant Mitchell was selling ammunition to both sides. Shortly after, the armed kids gave way for running ladder-troops, which put the ladders at the base of the wall and began climbing.

Rowley quickly arrived at the scene with Hot Cocoa, which a few kids poured onto the ladder-troops, Rowley forgot to add water and the simple dust did little except annoy them. Luckily, Speed Bump and Latricia Hooks come with trash cans full of slush and dumped it on them, which made the ladder-troops retreat.

Speed Bump and Latricia Hooks are dumping trash can containing slush onto the Lower Surrey Street Kids who attempt to climb up the Upper Surrey Street Kids' snow fort.

Shortly after, the 5th Grade Football Team tried to take down the wall with sheer force. The wall held up and the Team gave up in Exhaustion. It seemed like a victory for the Upper Street Kids. However, The Lower Street Kids moved onto their next strategy; waiting for the Upper Street Kids to tire out and give up waiting so they could take over the wall with barely any inconvenience when they were all gone.

Greg saw through his binoculars that The Lower Surrey Street Kids started handing out snacks and eating, which made The Upper Surrey Street Kids a bit uncomfortable. It began to get more hot and sunny and some little kids began complaining. Even Greg quote,

"It began to get a little sunny and I began to sweat. I now wish I wore my Thermal Underwear"

Some kids got so dehydrated that they began sucking the precious snowball ammunition, which the other kids didn't notice until they were half-way through them. Then Anthony Denard guarded them after that. Three hours, with nothing happening, passed. The Lower Street Kids began laying out chairs and taking cables and food outside, from there they would set up televisions and snacks. It was getting dark and many kids wanted to go home, which was understandable as it was dinner-time at that point.

Jacob Hoff, a respected Upper Surrey Street Kid, said he needed to go to his 6:00 pm Clarinet Lesson or his parents would be mad. He said that he would come back with granola bars and fruit rolls "stuffed into his pockets". They went to extreme measures to get him home safely. Tired, he never came back, and he stood there snacking as he looked out of his bedroom window.

"SURRENDER NOW, AND YOU CAN LEAVE UNHARMED"

Afterward, The Lower Surrey Street Kids made paper-airplanes and sent them to the wall. Inside, they said, "SURRENDER NOW, AND YOU CAN LEAVE UNHARMED". Many kids started crying, including Baby Gibson, which meant he could read. It was a sad moment for The Upper Surrey Street Kids.

After, a kid came running to the base. It was Trevor Nix. Trevor revealed that he was being held captive, but he escaped. According to him, the Lower Street Kids were making huge amounts of snowballs, and they were making yellow snow and other ghastly things. The Upper Street Kids thanked him, patting him on the back. One of them said he can sled on the hill any time he likes.

Led by Gibson, half of the Upper Street Kids prepared to attack Guzman's Yard in the dark, where the supposed yellow snow was being made. They were sure they saw people making and re-shaping snowballs there, so Gibson gave the signal to throw a barrage of snowballs. But they didn't flinch. They were decoys. The Upper Street Kids tried to get back, but it was too late.

The wall came crashing down upon the land. The fleeing Upper Surrey Street Kids weren't going down without a fight and began standing their own ground. Sadly, it looked bleak for the Upper Surrey Street Kids.

Final stages of the battle

Soon after, the Safety Patrol came. The Upper Surrey Street Kids thought they were coming to help them. But it was a Sunday, which was a free day for them and after they shot their snowballs, The Upper Surrey Street Kids knew a new combatant joined. The Whirley Street kids from up the hill came too. They were at the 13th hole (A legendary ski jump at the Country Club that Surrey and Whirley street fought over) and were kicked off by the club, they were back to sled on Upper Surrey Street. And they joined the fight too.

Everyone fights and battles as it is a total free for all.

But then, The Mingo Kids arrived, and they were angry. They wanted back the belt buckle that Greg had taken in exchange for his Mitten Puppet, Mr. Morsels, which was left at their camp, which was discovered by Greg earlier.

They joined the fight. At this point, everyone united and turned to face the Mingos. An all-out war broke out, with Greg and Rowley fleeing. They hid in an arched piece of wall, which acted as shelter. They were scared and thought they would be trapped under the snow.

But, the snowplow driver found his way, plowing through snow and kids, not caring at all. At that point, everyone was exhausted so they ended the fight and went home.

The Aftermath

It is unclear who won the battle as after the snowplow arrived, everyone went home. Trevor Nix was accepted into Lower Surrey Street due to him helping them against the Upper Surrey Street Kids. Mitchell Picket, who had been playing both sides of the war by supplying snowballs and other things to both Upper and Lower Surrey Street Kids, used his money to buy a snowmobile. Pervis Gentry was never seen again by anyone after he fled the wall. However, the conflicts between all sides still remain.

Trivia

  • This was the first recorded battle in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series.
  • The situation does have similarities to previous medieval wars, which even Jeff Kinney admits by making Greg study medieval warfare.
  • Many kids in the neighborhood were mentioned, but they were all new and no older neighborhood characters were mentioned apart from Greg, Rowley, and Fregley.
  • The hats featured in the book were different from the ones in Cabin Fever. The fluff on top of Rowley's hat seems less detailed in The Meltdown than in Cabin Fever.
  • Many fans compared this fight to the final fight in Avengers: Endgame, due to both of them being high stakes.
  • At least 300 kids have been counted in the battle, which seems unlikely and they might be kids from other neighborhoods.
  • Greg admits he was a coward near the end of the battle, which is a large break in character, compared to other books.
  • It is unknown what happened to Pervis Gentry.
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